When a hobby suddenly becomes an Addiction

[kateAlina]

If you get a hard-on looking at her, well then you do have a problem!

jwm

 

[Lorne]

I agree, this hobby is more addictive than heroine. It used to be once every four months, then every two months, now once or twice a month. As soon as I started repeating witht the same MPA that's when I can say it became addictive. The sessions keep getting better so you keep wanting to go back.

I've now stopped repating as much and have gained more control over it, I try to see a new person every other visit and have got it back down to once a month, which is still too much.

Also, try to limit your viewing of porn, sexy pics and I know this is hard, but try not to ogle the skimpy summer girls too much.

The best way to stay away from MPAs though is to make friends with more women, I'm not even talking girlfriends, just friends. I don't know how it relates, but I find that it just does.

 

[Pringle]

To join the growing chorus - get help, man. You've admitted you have an addiction. Find a support group and join it. You can start right now. Google probably drew you here, chances are it can draw you out.

 

[Wendy Banbur]

It's Jabba the Butt!!!...I think I'm blessed having 100 miles and an international border between myself and the Clubs and MP's of Nigara Falls. While I was camped there last weekend, every evening I was enticed by the siren song of a sexual encounter...I was broke when I went home....hehe

 

[AVALON]

Ok, so speaking of being addicted, how many mp visits a month would you fellow massageplanet.netites say classifies as an addiction??

I tend to hobby on a regular basis, maybe 1 mp every month or so (and I don't think that is much, but I could be wrong), but I too at times can find it addicting, craving my next visit just a few days after an encounter.

 

[Micah M]

That picture should do the job - shock therapy! Yikes.

 

[DeborahGomez]

The short-term answer really is to jerk off just as soon as you get aroused, and watch the money flow back into where it should be going. All hobbyists confront this at one point or another.

The longer term issues of self-esteem issues can only be solved by actually having real-life relationships with women, not paid ones. However many times guys keep saying "you pay in one form or another", as soon as you pay for sex habitually, you drain any possibility of true exchange that is the cornerstone of mental health and well being.

Paid sex is a distortion lens that gets worse the more you forget it's distorted. As long as you continue to remind yourself of the invisibles that rule this hobby, you're "okay". As soon as it begins to devour you rather than serve your needs, you're in trouble, as you've discovered.

Many men don't realize that they create ghettos around their experiences by living in the secretive world of the hobby. It can get very lonely, and self-esteem can plummet. The key is to keep your "real" life and your "hobby" in balance. Meet women through shared interests (sex doesn't count )

 

[Fishie<3]

oh man, my problem was that I am IN the picture too...some bodyslides aren't for the faint of heart.
http://www.jenaweb.de/cards/fat-mama.jpg

cheers,
h

 

[Hallwoman]

The simple answer is this: anything takes you away from who you really are rather than towards who you are. Some years ago, I was going to a particular MP where I was living out the fantasties we all dream of with hot, asian girls. I would literally leave completely happy with life, and move on to "real" things with energy and contentment. But eventually, I started to feel dread and less and less enthusiasm about the experiences, and I literally just stopped going. I felt instantly better that I had boundaries around my lust, something bigger than my little head's happiness.

This may well be the key I think. Self-respect. Self-control. Respect the dance, don't allow your appetites to outpace your own awareness. On the worst of days, your sex drive can feel like a very real form of madness. On the best of days, it can be the most liberating part of your life, and lead to wellness on all levels.

 

[Spicy Taco Breath]

I did a bit of research awhile back, and found some interesting facts. By far the hardest 'addictions' to break are those that are based on some kind of natural function that must be fulfilled anyway.

Overeating is a classic case, because we must do SOME of it all the time, so that need to indulge a bit is often an irrestible trigger to do more. STARTING is essential, so the STOPPING can occur way too late. Same thing with sex, especially for men - a couple of days and you almost HAVE to do something about it.

The financial restraint/ special bank account etc is fine, except that unfortuantely it only seems to happen when necessary. Once the next big windfall arrives, the purse-strings are opened again.

I am actively trying Ashley Madison to basically get it cheaper. I have tried to get counselling but I don't know who can help.

The worst thing, I think it truly ruins your chances to have a good permanent relationship, because we get caught into this 'always want to try something new' mentality.

 

[Joyce B]

....[makes the sign of the cross]....

jwm

 

[patricia]

Hey, she has nice tits!

jk

 

[Larkin L]

Budget for the hobby or quit cold turkey. Sounds like you're about to begin the dangerous slide into full addiction.

If you can't stick to you budget... then quit now. The fact that you're thinking about it says everything.

 

[grandma zaza]

See a proffessional sex therapist. Also, your Dr. may be able to prescribe medications that can alleviate what may be some psychological issues which cause you to be obbsesive.

 

[MtBikr]

If its because you find that there are so many to see, bruce, get picky man, get really really picky.

In your mind, complain about her boobs, her back fat, whatever it is that is just not right, droopy bum, ultra bad breath, whatever - too fat, to old, too wrinkly, too young and useless - just complain and list all these negative points of an mpa so much to yourself that shes just not attractive anymore. I guarantee this will reduce the number of MPAs that you even want to see.

If you are addicted to one or two specific ones, make them aware, perhaps they will do you a favor and turn you away sometimes.

Lastly, oneandten has a point, talk to a counsellor if you can.

 

[otterly evil]

Your comments are well considered and well made so I'm responding only to add a slightly different perspective.

I maintain that it's true (bearing in mind my original post in this thread was in 2004!) that all relationships with women, whether in the sex trade or not, cost money. I also agree with you that a "civilian" relationship can improve your well being and self esteem in ways which an SP relationship cannot. Of course, civilian relationships can also harm your self esteem in ways that an SP cannot! Further, many men who have no difficulty forming and maintaining civilian relationships still seek out SP experiences for a variety of reasons. Finally, it's possible to feel lonely no matter what kind of relationships you have or how many people are are around you. Loneliness is a function of whether you feel "connected" to the world around you.

My point, in a nutshell, is that you cannot establish self esteem based soley, or even principally, on pursuing civilian relationships to the exclusion of SPs. If the original poster has a self esteem issue, it will be necessary for him to examine all aspects of his life, perhaps with professional help.

While excessive hobbying could be a symptom of poor self esteem, I don't think that it is definitive.

 

[Pompal 09.]

It doesn't matter even which city I'm in, I can smell them out too!

 

[Maxwell Murder]

I think you're kidding yourself. Paid sex changes everything. When you start comparing "civilian" relationships (lol) to paid ones, you've just made my point. There isn't any comparison to be made.

So many guys who pay for sex somehow level all dating relationships down to those of a transaction ("you pay one way or the other"), but that's just their bitterness talking. If you'd had a real love affair with someone, you would never make such a nonsense comparison.

There is no comparison between a woman who is genuinely into you and one who is paid to do so. If you don't know the difference, you're terribly confused.

 

[TheSoyEatsYou]

Bruce:

Some good suggestions made already, but here would be mine, for what it's worth

1. Join a gym and set some goals (lose weight or some progress on certain machines/exercises). Anything that helps you get into another routine and takes up time in a more healthy way.
2. Stop and I mean STOP coming on to this board and STOP visiting any other sites you use get info on and STOP picking up NOW/EYE or whatever else publications you use to get info on. This is a really important step.
3. Instead of cold turkey - maybe just start by going every so often to one of your favourites.
4. Masmassageplanet.netate first thing in the morning - maybe this can help in taking the urge off a bit. Also, it might reduce your confidence that you can be at your peak performance so you might delay your urge to visit someone until the next day. If you start wavering - have your way with yourself again - and try to put off that visit.

Slowly but surely, if you are really serious about it, you should be able to reign it in quite a bit to a point where it is more manageable.

Good luck.

 

[eli]

Your right, the two relationships are different, but each has their own costs. If your married, then paying some one for time and sex is the simplest, you can end the relationship any time.
A non-paying relationship is dangerous. Because it has to evolve, the womens expectation are different to that of the man. Women want commitment, and in the long term want marriage, and children. It's in their genes.