Talk the (dirty) talk...

[Millo]

Deep thoughts by MPAsquared....

Im starting to have nightmares about agressive plastic tits and catty fake nails...as Im being chased by a wigged platinum blonde, she is screaming obscenities at me, that are strangely turning me on...so as I leap gracefully over each fence through a sea of backyards somewhere in middle-suburbia...house wifes shaking their brooms at us, husbands winking and shaking their cocks...this crazy broad is strangely reminding me of a client!! I know someone who talks like that!...my strategy is working...Im gaining yards, meters, fences...her lucite heels arent made for fence jumping...but she is still cursing like a sailor and telling me to answer her! "Talk to me MPAsquared! Answer me damit! Talk dirty to me!!!"

WHOA!!!!!! BUZZZZZZ!!! My alarm clock goes off and I spring awake, thankful to be in my cozy bed in cold T.O....not a lunatic boob in sight!! WHEW!

As the caffeine in my tea starts to reactivate my conscious mind..."Talk dirty to me" keeps playing in my mind! 'I hate when I client asks me that!' I think to myself...

(ie: Thrown on the spot, with no frame of refferance...what's one guy's hot, is another one's cold. What the hell do I say? "Your **** would feel so good in my...." WAIT I cant say that! Did that once and the guy was like "Really? OK!" FUCK..."Your big **** looks so delic...." WAIT! Wrong again!..."Im so horny right now I just wanna...." CRAP! Why can't a guy say he's into dirty talk, and then start talking!! Im not shy, I'll jump in daddy! Just give me a hint as to how far/filthy this is gonna get! Cuz I know some gals that could make a sailor look holy!)


So back I go to starting my day...my tea, my thoughts, my apple, some porn, an orgasm or 2, a hot shower, and off to the races!!






Please, talk amongst yourselves....Im listening!

 

[dudeydogdog]

My dirty talk sessions have not really been that inspiring...

* Oh! He's so cute!
* My boyfriend has a much bigger cock
* Size isn't everything
* I didn't realize my hand was that big
* I've seen smaller ones before
* I have a cousin that was once a boy
* At least you have some nice big man-boobs
* Oh...you are hard
* Hang on, let me get my glasses
* I guess you are single huh?
* Ooops! It's hard to get a good grip on him
* (Snickering) Wait 'till I tell the girls about you!
* I can see why most of the girls you know are "Just Friends"
* At least you can still pee with it...Right?
* Don't worry, I won't charge you half price
* Those enlargement things really work

And my all-time favourite session - "Oh baby, yes, yes, that is so fucking, so fucking - I can't do this! I can't! Have you ever seen another guy naked? You finish it yourself, I'm going to go on my break"

 

[rayb1214]

Ref...............too f'n funny

 

[alan2dylan]

I guess it's bad if you hear them all in one session.
One of my fav's once said to me "who ya gonna please with THAT? "
I said ME!

 

[5th Horseman]

Ref, thanks man!

 

[mahmahmahmysharona]

Ref, my sides are still hurting from laughing so hard. It's been 5 minutes and I'm still chuckling. Thanks man.

 

[5204]

Oh fuck #6...AWESOME! #8...CLASSIC #12 & #15...HILARIOUS!!!

Classier than Esquire arent ya Ref baby!! LOVE IT!


I wanna take my own post a step farther...reaching out to the ladies...How about those classic lines/dirty commentary clients say...you know, those statements of purity, special-dome, and loyalty...

~ "its my first time" - (gotta love this from a young guy for example...acts nervous and new...picks the lowest seesion...then somehow manages to wander his hands where they dont belong...and starts asking for 'extras'...industry code words included!)

~ "i promise Im clean" - (lol...classic...and always comes from the dirtiest of clients...not only do we know you say that to every girl, but we are sure its worked a time or two, or else you wouldnt keep using it...in which case you arent clean! lol! And even if you were...ummm no!)

~ "just let me put it in once" - (vintage position for this one...those guys that enjoy the reverse...once you, the MPA, are on your back...he'll grab your ankles and slide you to the end of the table...and start the fidgit-fight as you wiggle away from his wandering Johnson...as he tries to calm you with this statement. hahaha)

~ "I wont tell anyone" - (HA! considering you just told me the details of your last 12 sessions and how far you got in your last one with so-and-so...we just hope you dont make up shit about us to the next girl...although we know you will)

~ The Non-Verbal Guy-on-Top-Thigh-BS - (ok, this isnt a statement, but its an annoying habit of a few 'I gotta be in control' types....Ummm dude, I can feel what you are doing, and you should quit while you're ahead...its not gonna 'accidentaly' slip in...LOL)

~ "how much is it again" - (gotta love this at the end of a session...you just rocked his world and then the buyers remorse kicks in...dude, you had fun, dont try to cheap out...it wont be pretty)

AND MY ALL TIME FAV....

~ "Come on...just lick it...just kiss the tip" - (LMAO! Priceless)


Now I have heard some odd dirty talk/lines in my day....those I thought-i've-heard-it-all kinda folk..."kick my balls" "tell me to drink my p***" "lick my ass" "milk me like a cow" "tell me you love me" "turn off the lights, Im a vampire and my eyes are burning" "will you change my diaper" "MPAsquared...Im a pervert right? (yes, you are a pervert) ya, but am I the biggest pervert? (yes you lil shit, you are) Ok but am I like the President? (LMAO!)"

Ahhhh life on our side of the table....

 

[cpttango30]

MPA Squared, I think you should write your memoirs. If some B-list celebrity can have their memoirs published, you should too since you have something of interest to share. I can just imagine the different scenarios you have to deal with.

I think another post needs to be started on these scenarios and include the matter of respect for the women in this business. I know there are MPAs who aren't well-suited for the job, and I am have fallen victim to one before. The few others I have seen are great. One really has to admire them for doing the work. Personally, I would find it very difficult to touch, handle, please a woman that has questionable hygiene or an unattractive physique. I am sure there are men who go visit an MPA who don't have trouble meeting women and are looking for a bit of an adventure. I am also pretty certain there are men who visit MPAs because this is the only way they can interact with a women on any level.

 

[sheriff]

Way ahead of you darlin'....I fully intend on writing a book, and have collections of stories from over the years.

Not sure what you meant by the rest of your statement...This thread was meant to be about what you guys like in terms of dirty talk, but Ref added his fav lines, I couldnt resist adding mine!

Now if you wanna discuss MPA respect...start a thread!

 

[Ivan J]

Always liked Raquel at Allure for a little dirty talk. Of course it was part of the act, but it was a pretty good act.

 

[Wilfred]

I just can't do it.

When I get the "Talk dirty to me" line... or even worse the repeated "talk dirty to me.... pleeeease" requests.... I just wanna curl into fetal position. I can't. I suck. I'm the worst MPA ever.

I don't know what to say. The spotlight is shining in my eyes and I forgot my lines...... argh!

Now - if I'm in the real world and getting it good from behind.... hehe - I can talk the talk with ease and skill. But in the MPA role... I just feel too fake - especially when I feel forced into saying something. Generally - I just try to pretend I didn't hear my client ask... sorry lol

Some girls are so skilled with potty mouth talk - I'm just not one of them.

 

[Pompal 09.]

I've heard 'em all. (Well - not the vampire one lol...)
I'm shocked at my ability to let it all roll off my back - we are so desensitized by freaky stuff...

 

[adam_l38]

Used to be a MPA I liked to go see whose "dirty talk" were about her sexual experiences - how she blew the swimming team in high school, or how she fooled around on her ex-husband with his sisters. These stories, possibly none of them true, used to really command my attention in a great way and sure beat the basic dirty talk we so often get.

One MPA told me that she had a client who wanted her to say "I love you" to him over and over. Said it freaked her out more than anything else she had experienced.

 

[Rainbow Child]

I have a handful of clients that ask for that. One guy told me its been years since anyone had said that to him. My heart grew twice as big that day.

Lynn....Thats exactly it baby girl! You feel the pressure instantly...Thats why I wish they would start it off, let me know what YOU think is dirty talk and I'll jump in and match your style! But just throwing that out there, leaves us hanging.

As for the personal sexcapades stories...I've known a few to ask for details of my trysts...always fun to story-tell...and I had one guy like to tell me a story in my ear, starring us of course. Oh I had one guy who was in an open marriage and was submissive to his wife tell me about their capades at Hedonism! THAT one is going in my book for sure! Its an insane story!

 

[Sheena Li]

I started reading this with a smile but ended up sad....some clients, eh? Anyway, sorry, just couldn't resist not to share what I'm feeling right now....not that I am a nice guy myself ... but oh well ....

 

[Confusing123]

Sad???? Dont ever feel sad for anyone! Kinks, perversions, even straight up weirdos are putting it on to a point...people get off on people's reactions. They are completely aware of what they are asking/saying...its part of the thrill. I just run with it..."ok Mr vampire guy...lights off...now, show me your magic!!"

 

[Someone]

I've never asked for dirty talked but when an MPA or SP start the dirty
talk, I just laugh because you know that what ever they are saying
is fake, I think if they just keep to the little moans and ohhs and ahhs that just works for me.

 

[nicky c]

You could say all dirty talk is fake then....Some people get into it and get off on it. I prefer a client to pick the topic and set the boundries...but once I start, I get all into it. I know a few girls that love dirty talking and include it on some level in alot of their sessions...as long as a girl isnt just quoting porn, if its personal and unique and right up your ally, how is it fake?

 

[Rum&Coke]

How is it not fake? It's a fantasy, we want you to tell us that we have a big thick pecker or that your lips ache to kiss us... but in reality you don't really give a shit. The talk is fantasy and fantasy is not real. But if it gets a guy hard and horny to hear what he wants then thats his cup of tea. And Dirty Talk to me is Fake or Not Real its an act.

 

[dull_sux]

Way ahead of you darlin'....I fully intend on writing a book, and have collections of stories from over the years.

Lot of MPAs have intentions to write a book. In fact, there is MPA (I think, she works for PA), and she wrote a book. In any event, if you need stories from our side, just let us know, and we will share some with you....