Massage for the grieving

[Shallow Abyss]

Not sure if this is the right place for this or not. But I have a new client, age 22, who recently lost her fiance. It's a special case in that he is a 3x cancer survivor, but was in a motorcycle accident and died from complications of both the cancer treatment and injuries. She is the daughter of a close friend of mine.

He could've survived the accident if it hadn't been for the treatment (radiation, chemo, etc) he's had to endure for the last few years.

She has not yet been able to find a therapist to "talk" to. I have been the only relief she gets from any kind of therapy due to the nature of what I offer: no talking, bodywork, compassionate touch...

So far our sessions have been relatively good, no emotional release as of yet... she seems to be in a stupor and in a state of shock as of now. My goal during our sessions is to just give her a break of the pain (emotional and physical) and offer some relief, albeit temporary.

I would like to hear any other client cases and suggestions for what has helped while offering bodywork to those in immense emotional pain/loss.

Thanks!

 

[Dogshowfreak]

Massage for the grieving

Not sure if this is the right place for this or not. But I have a new client, age 22, who recently lost her fiance. It's a special case in that he is a 3x cancer survivor, but was in a motorcycle accident and died from complications of both the cancer treatment and injuries. She is the daughter of a close friend of mine.

He could've survived the accident if it hadn't been for the treatment (radiation, chemo, etc) he's had to endure for the last few years.

She has not yet been able to find a therapist to "talk" to. I have been the only relief she gets from any kind of therapy due to the nature of what I offer: no talking, bodywork, compassionate touch...

So far our sessions have been relatively good, no emotional release as of yet... she seems to be in a stupor and in a state of shock as of now. My goal during our sessions is to just give her a break of the pain (emotional and physical) and offer some relief, albeit temporary.

I would like to hear any other client cases and suggestions for what has helped while offering bodywork to those in immense emotional pain/loss.

Thanks!

How sad! I feel terrible for her. I know how she feels.. I just lost my 17 year old brother a few weeks ago and still feel that shock sometimes. I have honestly been avoiding getting massage because I'm so worried about how my emotions are going to affect my therapist.. I need it so badly but I just can't help it!

I think you're wise to avoid talking. I've found that a lot of people try to help out by engaging conversation about my brother and I know they mean well, but at times it just makes things worse! Just always remember to step back and let her process her emotions on her own and keep doing your great work. Grieving isn't only mentally/emotionally exhausting, it's physically exhausting as well!

 

[flavorflash69]

Massage for the grieving

Years ago I lost my Grandpa and daughter's father in a week's time. I went for 2 massages to deal with the stress. I did go to someone I didn't know to avoid any talk. Massage CAN be very helpful, it did help me relax and deal with the situation. However, that would not have been the case if I had to talk about anything. Luckily the therapist I went to was ok with my answer to his question on why I was there (two times in one week at that). "I just have a lot of stress right now."

So just being there for the client is fine. Even if she breaks down, just be there, be a presence and ask her if she wants to be alone or should you stay. That's all.

 

[lillian]

Massage for the grieving

Currently, I have a 20-something client who's sister passed away 6 months ago to a long standing illness. She was younder than he. He has been using his recent sessions to talk about her in length. He mentioned that his best friends didn't attend the funeral, didn't say anything, and generally ignored the fact that she passed away. It was frustrating to him and confusing. The talking seems to help him work through some of his feelings as well as allowing him to remember her fondly.

Unlike those who don't want to talk during their sessions, he is doing the opposite - and gaining what I hope are good results.

Grief is difficult. I find myself somewhat limited, yet wanting to help as best I can.

I basically do my work and hope it provides for the moment. I wish I could add more to this conversation, but that's really all I have been able to do so far when I have had clients in this seforum.xxxe of their lives.

 

[HelpingHand]

Ethics of Caring

The "Ethics of Caring" covers this extremely well, best to get a copy.

 

[bhschoolu2]

Massage for the grieving

It sounds like you're doing just fine, Mandesden. I've worked on many clients going through emotional grief and what has seemed to help them most was receiving good bodywork without talking or asking about their situation. If they need a counselor you will know b/c they will begin to talk to you as if YOU were their counselor. When that happens, gently refer them to a real psychologist who can help them with their grief. As bodyworkers, we are only there to provide a space for the healing, nothing more. Sometimes folks just need to talk out their grief, and that's okay, but as soon as you start feeling uncomfortable or they need more of your time than just the bodywork, refer out for mental health.