Caerf's Joke Thread

[Pompal 09.]

Lets have some fun.

Post some of your favs jokes

Q:What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for air and yelling your name?
A:You aren't holding the pillow long enough.

Q:Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Q: Why do all men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Q; Why did God create man before woman?
A:Because your always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

 

[Baby Girl]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,


[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet
ms,arial,helvetica]
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
[/FONT]

 

[danielle Z]

o Mama’s so dumb i told her Christmas was around the corner, and she went lookin’. Yo Mama’s so dumb I told her she lost her mind, and she started looking for it.
Yo Mama’s so dumb she got locked in a toilet and pissed herself.
Yo mama’s so dumb, she stuck the phone up her ass and thought she was makin’ a booty call.
Yo Mama’s so dumb she stole a free sample.
Yo Mama’s so dumb she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.
Yo Mama’s so dumb she waited all day at a stop sign.
Yo Mama’s so dumb that she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo Mama’s so dumb when she went to a football game she thought the quarter back was a refund!
Your Mama’s so dumb that she got smacked by a statue.
Your Mama’s so dumb, she tried to commit suicide off a sidewalk.
Your momma’s so dumb I caught her staring at a piece of paper. She sait it was Pay-Per View
Your momma’s so dumb it took her an hour to make minute rice
Your momma’s so dumb she got hit by a parked car
Your momma’s so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
Your momma’s so dumb she heard someone say it was chilli outside so she ran and grabbed a bowl
Your momma’s so dumb she stayed up all night studying for her blood test
Your momma’s so dumb she thought a telephone was a phone for the T.V
Your momma’s so dumb she thought the computer screen saver was TV
Your momma’s so dumb she tried to kill herself by jumping out of the basement window
Your momma’s so dumb that when she jumped out of a window she went up
Your momma’s so dumb the computer said press any key to continue and she was looking for the any key
Your momma’s so dumb when your dad suggested doggy style she went out the back and started to lick her balls

 

[??Sophie??]

There was a guy who had been having chronic trouble in trying to get an erection. After weeks of frustration, he finally breaks down and goes to the doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and finally makes the diagnosis.

"Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she says. "The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deteriorating, and there is no cure."

The guy, on the verge of panic, finally regains his composure.

"So what's the good news?" he asks.

The doctor says, "There is an experimental treatment available, but there are no guarantees. It involves transplanting the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk into your penis. Would you like to try it?"

The guy thinks about it and finally says, "Well, the thought of going through life without being able to have sex is just too much for me. What have I got to lose? Let's do it."

So the doctor performs the operation.

A few weeks later, the guy takes his girlfriend out to a nice restaurant to celebrate his new equipment. While sitting at the table, he feels a stirring between his legs; it gets progressively worse until it reaches the point of being painful.

Seeking relief, he reaches down and unzips his fly to relieve some of the pressure.

Suddenly, his penis leaps free from his pants, slides over the tabletop and grabs a dinner roll, then returns to his pants again.

"Wow!" says his stunned girlfriend, "That was impressive! Can you do that again?"

Eyes watering and face flushed, he says, "Probably...But I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"

 

[Big]

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.

She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his dad.

His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

 

[Mackenziee Rose.]

Three couples—one elderly, one middle-aged, one young and newly wed—apply for membership in a church. The pastor informs them that the requirement for new parishioners is that they abstain from sex for two weeks. The couples agree and go their separate ways.
After two weeks, they return. The pastor asks the elderly pair if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "No problem at all, Pastor," replies the old man.
"Congratulations!" says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He turns to the middle-aged couple and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "It was difficult," replies the husband. "By the end of the second week, I had to sleep on the couch, but we did it."
"Congratulations on overcoming temptation," says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He then turns to the newlyweds and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks.
"At first it was no problem," says the husband. "But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," says the pastor.
"We know," says the young man. "We’re not welcome at the supermarket anymore either." :